Tim continues the series by looking at our desire to change other people, what options exist when we encounter difficult people – and which options are useful.
Based on the book, Never Go Back, by Dr. Henry Cloud.
Trudi wraps up our discussion from last week on Adultness, then turns to the question of the day: Do you have want you want?
This teaching arc is based on the book “Boundaries”, by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend, and is supplemented by their other books, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries for Teens, and Boundaries for Kids.
Download the class notes (PDF).
Listen to the class (Quicktime).
Part of the reason for this blog is having the opportunity to discuss some of what happens in class. Though it doesn’t happen often, it would be nice to be able to have discussion over and above the limited time we have available on Sunday mornings.
In our class yesterday, we talked about Mark Gungor’s teaching on “going back for the girl”. Gungor told about the need every man has to boldly enter their world, pursue their dreams, and conquer their tasks. His main point was that men needed to do that, but it is far more important to remember the needs of their wife and not sacrifice marriage and family in pursuit of their ambitions.
Following his teaching, I talked about confidence, and the confidence that comes from being chosen.
Why was I stuck on confidence?
If you remember, Gungor talked about how Adam had failed in the garden of Eden. He said that Adam, given the chance to speak up and protect Eve and drive out Satan, had instead remained silent and done nothing. Gungor said – rightly so – that this was cowardice of a type that affects many men who are too afraid to speak up and get involved with their family.
To me, that’s an issue of confidence. Men – who are perfectly confident in business and work situations – become wimpy and weak in relational situations.
This failure to be confident drives insecure behavior, as it always does. Out of their insecurity, men retreat into their work-world, and don’t “go back for the girl.”
What it really takes to “go back for the girl” is confidence. And what it really means to “go back for the girl” is choosing her. When you put your “puking little life” aside and choose to spend time and affection and emotion and energy on her, you are saying, “I choose you more than anything or anyone else.”
In turn, choosing her helps give her the confidence she needs. It says that she is worthwhile and important and strong. Being chosen brings confidence.
What do you think? Does this make sense to you?
Tim talks about a key ingredient in every relationship. It is an ingredient that is particularly hard, generally, for women. Men also need to use this to approach their wives in the way they should.
What is it? Listen to find out.
Based on teaching by Mark Gungor and LaughYourWay.com.